Monday, April 7, 2008

You Know When .......


1. When your Family Home Evening is a trip to the stockyards;

2. When your family vacation is a trip to the county fair!

3. When you use the car wash as a cow wash (to "clean 'em up, ready to win de prize")

4. When you have a bear in your bedroom and a moose on your wall;

5. When your trophy room doubles as a bedroom;

6. When your front room is nicknamed the "Dead-Head" room;

7. When the hamburger in the freezer is from the cow who crushed you into the fence;

8. When your better-half puts a calf in the bathtub;

9. When he uses your blow dryer to dry it off;

10. When your "mud room" is really filled with mud, and sometimes blood;

11. When you've pulled more calves than weeds;

12. When the beef in the freezer is the "cow from the wash";

13.When you are pulled over by a cop for transporting "the cow from the wash" in the back-hoe bucket;

14. When your kindergarten child explains preg testing in sharing time;

15. When your grandson thinks cows "poop out" their calves;

16. When hunting comes before your birthday;

17. When the horse your hubby rides was your birthday present;

18. When you use your car to herd the cows and a cow dents the fender;

19. When you hope the next wreck you're, in dents the same fender;

20. When you are the cook for the hay crew;

21. When you are the hay crew;

22. When you holler for the kids, but the dogs come;

23. When the consequence for misbehavior is shoveling manure;

24. When you spend more hours in the day on the way to and from the bus stop than the kids spend watching TV;

25. When you only get to watch TV to get the weather - on all stations and at all times of the day;

26. When you can pack for a week-long pack trip in 30 minutes;

27. When you know what a pack trip is;

28. When your only recipe book is for a Dutch oven;

29. When your only pans are Dutch ovens;

30. When you hubby's lost in the woods and 17 horse trailers pulled by Power Stroke Diesels show up before search and rescue.

31. When you take your hubby's Power Stroke to town and get an arm cramp from waving;

32. When you open the washer and it's full of newly washed calf ears;

33. When "Show and Tell" is not a pretty rock but bull horns;

34. When the biggest junk collectors are ranchers and teachers and he is both;

35. When you get a flat from an empty hypodermic needle;

36. When your hubby gets a bull bag for Christmas and his next present is "utterly" ridiculous;

37. When he "Displays" the bull bag on the front room coffee table as the centerpiece;

38. When your daughters wedding breakfast is held at the Big Z;

39. When your Lamaze partner is your Mother-in-law;

40. When your greatest shopping pleasure changes from Nordstrom’s to Smith and Edwards;

41. When you order dessert at the Big Z!!!

42. When you know what the "Big Z" is! (it happens to be a diner close to the livestock auction)

43. When you move bales before breakfast;

44. When your tractor is the only vehicle with air conditioning and full surround sound stereo with a remote;

45. When you do the dishes while the rest of the hay crew sleeps on the floor.

46. When there are more grandkids in the hay crew than adults!

(During the year that Paige was born, one of the popular things on the radio was Jeff Foxworthy’s “You Know You’re a Redneck when…” While waiting in the doctor’s office and eating, Debbie and Mom made up this list:)

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Kandice and Tyler